The most surprising gift I've ever received on my birthday--a collection of letters I had sent to a friend from 1988-1999. It ended on the Christmas right before millennium. 11 years, documented pretty much all my rebellious adolescence. Now I'm still rebellous, but just not adolescent any more.
I prepared to read something childish because I believe after all those years I've evolved, grown to be more mature, to be more like myself, the self under repressed anger. However, no, I haven't changed at all. I am still arrogant, bossy, brave, sensitive, underachieved, capricious..all the flaws, and the merits...I haven't changed at all.
Four and half years back, I came back TW full of ambition. I pushed myself to be a person with knowledge, skills, and fabulous interests. Despite constantly working over 16 hours a day, I managed to pull it off with nothing against my will. I believe , I'm sure I've come to a place where I can say I haven't wasted those four years. Yes, I'm satisfied with what I've done to myself. But, after reading those letters, I can feel the heart once was warm has become hard, cold and alienated from people. I remember when I showed disrespects when people were incapable, I despised people when they abused power, I gave people eyes when they walked too slow. I come off so independent and tough that I don't take weakness as an excuse.
I forgot the day I sat across to my professor and swore I am going to be a nice person because knowledge is worth shit if one doesn't show a mere sympathy of this cursed world. Now I've become the kind of person I swore not to be. What have I done to myself, exactly?
Four and half years back, I came back TW full of ambition. I pushed myself to be a person with knowledge, skills, and fabulous interests. Despite constantly working over 16 hours a day, I managed to pull it off with nothing against my will. I believe , I'm sure I've come to a place where I can say I haven't wasted those four years. Yes, I'm satisfied with what I've done to myself. But, after reading those letters, I can feel the heart once was warm has become hard, cold and alienated from people. I remember when I showed disrespects when people were incapable, I despised people when they abused power, I gave people eyes when they walked too slow. I come off so independent and tough that I don't take weakness as an excuse.
I forgot the day I sat across to my professor and swore I am going to be a nice person because knowledge is worth shit if one doesn't show a mere sympathy of this cursed world. Now I've become the kind of person I swore not to be. What have I done to myself, exactly?
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